Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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