Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
