Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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