I hate your face
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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