last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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