he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
