is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
