Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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