we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
