It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
