In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Its about making memories worth repressing
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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