I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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