So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
