we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
