Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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