amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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