Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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