did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
