moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
