if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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