Where is the hickey?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
