worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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