I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
