you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
