end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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