I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
