Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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