He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
