Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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