I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
