it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
