I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
