Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
