It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.