My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.