I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.