she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick