Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.