yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?