wrigley field is MILF paradise
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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