I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
