I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you inspire me to be a worse person
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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