Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize