call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
