what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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