Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
