is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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