Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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