He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
