I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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