I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
