sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
