I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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