That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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