I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
