i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
