Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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