How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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