Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
