She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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