you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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