my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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