Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
