the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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