the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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