She just used a chaser for red wine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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