I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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