god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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