we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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