I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me I should be a condom model.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
