I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
