Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
