if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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