I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
