Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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