as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
