Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
