I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
