I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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